Oh gosh. School. I'm so torn. Or I guess I was. For the past few months, I've been really trying to figure out what road to take for Nolan's education. First I was planning on doing 3 year preschool at the private school and then sending Nolan to the public school for 4 year preschool which is free for us. It seemed like a good plan. That would transition Nolan more easily from life with a stay at home mom to life away from home.
Well, that was great until I realized that the only option for public preschool was to send him 5 days a week, 6-8 hours/day, depending on which school he would go to (which I wouldn't get to choose). I felt/feel like that is unacceptable. Children are not designed to sit in a classroom ALL day EVERY day at such a young age, not to mention that Nolan will be the youngest class, having only JUST turned four a week or so before his first day, making him the youngest in his class. I mean, once you start school, it's all school all the time until you graduate high school. And hopefully you continue on to higher education which just means more school. Why throw him into school so soon when he'll basically spend the next 14 to 18 years in school. Why not let him have time to be a kid and stay home and play and learn that way. Also, he'll have just become a big brother. I want him to be be home to experience his new sibling, not just get to see him a few hours before bedtime during the week and on weekends.
So, I guess that means private school, at least for preschool. Well, that is all fun and games, but it feels stupid to pay for preschool when I can send him to public school for free. I mean, free is never free. It obviously comes with costs, like the cost of Nolan's childhood. He'll get to go for free, but he won't get that extra year of play. Even though I totally know that public preschool is about the farthest things from structure, I just don't feel like he needs to spend so much time in that setting when he can get lots of "unstructure" right here at home. Ok, great so we're going to private preschool. Well, is he really learning that much a preschool that I couldn't teach him at home?
What about home school? I have some great friends that home school or plan to home school, and they make it seem so great. I'm sure it can be. But can I commit to homeschooling every day? Do I trust my son's education in my own hands, my hands that are not educated to educate? I mean, teacher require master's degrees for a reason. It's the real deal. The future of our world rests in the unmolded minds of today's children, and teaching them is the MOST important task. Am I up to that challenge?? Maybe I could be. I really love the idea of catering/designing an education exactly for my son. We can spend extra time on the topics he struggles with and breeze right through the ones in which he excels. Also, we can cater learning to his strengths and interests. He can't get that at any school, public or private.
Plus, I love having him home with me. At the risk of sounds like an overbearing mother who can't let here child go, he is my son. I made a conscious effort to bring him into this world because I wanted a child in my life. I wanted to raise a child from beginning to end and be there for all of the in between. When he goes to school for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, I miss all of that. And yes, I know, children need to learn to be independent of their parents, but I feel like he is mine, mine to love, mine to teach, mine to learn from, MINE. I don't want to give the gift that is my son to anyone one else. But then I as myself if I am being selfish and keeping him from an experience because of my own fears and insecurities.
So that is the dilemma I've been struggling with for the past I don't even know how long, but while I was doing that, I enrolled Nolan in 3 year preschool at a private school. It's two days a week, 3 hours each day. At first it was terrible. I was so sad leaving him, and he was so sad leaving me. I even thought that pulling him out may be ok. But then it got better. And he liked it.
And that leads me to now. Thursday I had our first parent teacher conference. I know, like really? I already have a child old enough to have parent teacher conferences? So anyways, his teachers had really great things to say about him and made me feel so great about my decision to send him to school there - so great that I decided to send him back. Of course we'll still keep up with some of our leaning at home, but I certainly won't be such a stickler about it. She really confirmed that my fears about public school are legitimate and some of my other concerns as well. So, now I'm pretty content with my decision to send him to private preschool, and better yet, I don't have to get him up and around to school 5 days a week. I just couldn't commit to that.
